


McCree, Part-time Cupid

by megsblackfire



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Hana might be ace but her MEKA sure isn't, M/M, Pure cheese, don't take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 20:28:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17711015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megsblackfire/pseuds/megsblackfire
Summary: If Angela had stopped cheating in training, he wouldn't have been reduced to using his "special" bullets in order to win. Even if Jack put him on washroom cleaning duty for the rest of his life, it was worth it to have a clear shot to the finish line with the payload.





	McCree, Part-time Cupid

**Author's Note:**

> This is pure cheese. Enjoy the silliness.

“Angela! If you don’t stop rezing them, I’m goin’ box your ear!” Jesse shouted as yet AGAIN Angela revived everyone that he had just Deadeyed.

“Sorry, Jesse; this is my job,” Angela smirked from across the map.

Jesse made a motion like he was going to strangle her before he ducked behind a wall. “Jack! Jack she’s cheating!” he whined over the commlines.

“Is that what you’re going to tell Talon when they have a gun pointed at your head?” Jack sighed.

Jesse could almost see the old man rubbing his forehead. Yes, it was supposed to be taken seriously, but really, how could he when the people he “killed” got back on their feet immediately? It wasn’t fair, damn it! It wasn’t realistic; Angela couldn’t raise his enemies and that technology was not in their hands yet. She shouldn’t have been raising everyone that he killed.

“Yes! I will tell everyone that Angela is a dirty, rotten cheater!” Jesse laughed.

“Take this seriously, Jesse,” Jack groaned. “This is training.”

“Yah, because Angela can totally say the same thing when she hides behind Reinhardt’s shield the whole game and then STEALS MY KILLS!”

“Jesse, this is training!”

“Yes, that’s why we have a kill count going,” Jesse rolled his eyes. “Which, by the way, those five had better count! They were good and dead before Angela cheated.”

“I don’t get paid enough for this,” Jack groaned.

“You get paid?” Ana teased. “If you children are done arguing, we still have a payload to deliver.”

Jesse growled as he dumped the spent shells from his revolver on the ground. He pulled his special ammo out of his pouch and popped them into the chambers. He spun them into place and cocked Peacekeeper, pursing his lips. If Angela wanted to play dirty, fine; Jesse, part-time Cupid, would play dirty too.

He waited for Reinhardt to charge past his position before he shot him in the ass with one of his special bullets. Reinhardt jumped about a foot in the air in surprise and spun around looking for the source of the pain.

“Jesse! That was rude,” he said.

“Give me a minute and you won’t say that,” Jesse grinned as he shot at Ana.

The bullet grazed her shoulder and she shouted in alarm. “Jesse McCree! What are you thinking?!”

Jesse grinned as he slipped two more bullets into Peacekeeper. _“Y’all better watch out, cuz Cupid’s got a gun,”_ he sang sweetly over the commline.

“OH FUCK NO!” Genji shrieked over the comms. “RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT’S TOO LATE FOR REINHARDT AND ANA!”

Jesse heard Jack groan over the commline and he cackled in delight as Reinhardt and Ana slipped off to enjoy the benefits of his “Cupid bullets”. He whistled as he hopped down from his hiding place, strolling across the open area to the payload and climbing on. He waited until he was certain that no one else was around before purring his delight.

“HE’S ALL ALONE!” Hana cackled. “I AM IMMUNE TO YOUR GROSS BULLETS! SCORE ONE FOR THE ACE!”

“That’s what you think, lil lady,” Jesse grinned as he aimed at the hot pink MEKA running for him. “But is your fancy suit?”

He saw the confusion in her eyes right before he shot the MEKA. As he predicted, the suit locked up until he shot over his shoulder at Lucio who had been trying to pull a fast one on him. The bullet whizzed across Lucio’s shoulder, making him yelp and gettig the MEKA’s attention. Hololight hearts exploded from around the MEKA before it charged after Lucio’s retreating form.

“You cannot win against him,” Genji said sagely. “No one can escape Cupid’s bullet.”

“He’s learned so quickly,” Jesse cackled as he spun his gun. “Whoops,” he winced as it misfired over his head. “Huh. Weird. It only does that if…oh no.”

Jesse had enough time to scoot to a less painful part of the payload before he was pinned down by a furious Reaper. He was shaken furiously as the cracked white mask glared down at him.

“Where is Jack, _pendejo_?!” Reaper snarled.

“Oh for the love of peat,” Jack groaned. “Gabe, you weren’t supposed to show up until the end of the match.”

Reaper’s head snapped to the side and Jesse could see the gears turning behind the mask. He was dropped back onto the payload as Reaper glanced around.

“Where are you, Jack?” Reaper purred.

“Jesse…please tell me you didn’t?” Jack hissed in his ear.

“Uh, gun misfired?” Jesse offered as the payload reached a checkpoint.

“Fuck,” Jack whined. “I’m going to put Winston on the comms and go hide.”

“Good luck with that; Reaper’s a fucking bloodhound,” Jesse cackled.

“You’re also on bathroom cleanup for the next month for this stunt,” Jack growled before his commline went silent.

Jesse grinned and shrugged. “Totally worth it, Jack,” he cackled.

The payload continued on and he watched Reaper go all ghosty before setting off in search of Jack. Victory for Jesse McCree.


End file.
